I completed a workbook called “The Story Of Your Year,” created by Adam Roa. The first prompt was to describe my year in 3 words. The 3 words I chose were blah, uninteresting, and challenging.
I know “blah” is not really a feeling or a formal word but it’s the word that came up for me and I wrote it because there is truth to it.
Life has been feeling blah for me.
I feel like I’ve lost my passion, inspiration, and spark for life.
Interestingly enough when I googled “feeling blah,” I came across this article, “Feel ‘Blah,’ but Not Exactly Depressed? You Could Be Languishing.”
As I skimmed through the article, I felt like it all resonated with what I’ve been experiencing.
I wish I could quote all the parts that made me think, “that’s me!” And so I highly recommend looking through the article if you are interested.
But in short, according to the article, languishing is when “…Maybe you’re not going through a major mental health crisis or experiencing overwhelming distress, but your life may not involve much happiness or fulfillment either. A state of languishing can leave you with a neutral or flat mindset, one where you have few strong emotions. Instead of feeling sadness, joy, anger, or enthusiasm, you simply remain in a state of meh”
I can say that the first couple of years in my 30s, I was in some kind of crisis. Whether I was experiencing OCD flare ups or having an existential crisis.
Now that I am 33, I can say I am in a more stable place mentally and emotionally. This does not mean I don’t struggle because I do from time to time but it’s not as intense or long as it used to be.
Currently I work full time, I blog here and there, I create content when ideas strike or when I have the time to do so, and I am also a dancer who is currently on a break because I am dealing with IT band syndrome. I live alone with my dog in a comfy and cozy studio apartment.
If you were to look at me from the outside, you would see a girl in her 30s who is successful.
Everything I wanted in my 20s, I got and I am SO thankful for that!
And, at the same time, I’ve gone through challenges with my career, I became sober, and experienced mental health challenges, all which have left me questioning my identity and purpose in life.
As a result, I am now at a point in my life where I feel blah or that I am languishing as the article mentioned. I am not experiencing much happiness, fulfillment, passion or aliveness that way I used to when I was in my 20s.
After reflecting on why I may feel this way, I’ve realized that it could be that I don’t know what I want and I don’t have a clear direction.
In my 20s, I knew what I wanted and there was a clear path set on how to achieve that.
But, now that I’ve accomplished all that I have, the not knowing what I want or not having a clear path could be the reason why I feel “blah” and unsure.
I wish I could end this post with saying I feel inspiration, aliveness, and passion or that I’ve at least found it but that is not the truth.
So as I look back on 2024, it doesn’t feel eventful or interesting. However, I can recognize that I still pursued my dancing goals and made some growth. I made it through the challenges I was experiencing with my job. I released new blog posts with SEO strategies. I became aware of certain dynamics within me that I need to work on. I asked for space from loved ones because I value my alone time. And, now I am trying to heal my IT band syndrome by exercising and stretching and making it my goal to prioritize physical self-care and make it a lifestyle change.
I acknowledge that even though 2024 has felt blah, I still have done things. I tried to be with myself while trying to move along in my journey.
With all of that being said, I know that not every year has to be eventful or filled with grand things or accomplishments but for someone like me who has been feeling like this for a few years now, it all means something to me.
Additionally, I know myself to be a person filled with passion, big dreams, and wants to enjoy life. I am also someone who had a zest for life. So for me to feel like 2024 was “blah” or that I have been languishing for the past couple of years, these feelings and experiences are significant.
Here is a poem I wrote as part of the prompts from “The Story Of Your Year,” workbook I mentioned at the beginning of this post:
2024, you were blah
Life has been feeling like that lately
Where has my passion gone?
Where is that spark I used to feel?
2024, while you was a blah year
At the end, you revealed dynamics within me that need to be worked on
At the end, you left me with physical discomfort pushing me to get into my body more
2024, you were blah
But perhaps you are the last year where I feel this way
Perhaps you are the last year where everything I’ve learned from the years prior becomes a culmination for everything I need to finally move forward and feel passion, inspiration and that spark again.
Perhaps. . .
I ended the poem with “perhaps” because I still feel so unsure and uncertain. Yet, I know that in order for me to feel that passion, inspiration, and spark again, I have to go out and find it.
Did you enjoy this post? Click here to subscribe so you’ll be the first to know when I publish a new post via email!