33
As I try to reflect on my 33rd birthday and reaching 4 years sober today, it’s hard to come up with something meaningful and deep lol!
Which brings me to the fact that this is something I’ve learned over the past few years through therapy, it doesn’t have to be that deep. It doesn’t have to mean anything.
While this concept has helped me and liberated me from the pressure I tend to put on myself, I still gotta make it deep and meaningful because it’s my birthday and I enjoy engaging in self-reflection.
I never imagined my life past my 30s. This is funny because when I was growing up, I only envisioned what I wanted in my 20s, which was finishing college and getting my Master’s Degree. I also wanted to move out of my family’s house so badly. I accomplished all of this by the time I was about 28.
Why didn’t I think about what I wanted in my 30s?
I have no clue.
But here I am.
Today, I am 33 years old and as I write this, I can recognize all that I have accomplished in my 30s even though most of them were unintended:
I made it to 1 year sober when I turned 30 back in 2020 and have been sober ever since.
I’ve been sharing my journey openly on social media and through blogging.
I discovered my creativity.
I returned to dancing and have been taking classes for the past 2 years and a half.
I pursued a life coaching certification and I am working with real life clients.
I was a panelist at an empowerment event and appeared on a podcast.
I’ve always felt that these things were a gift to me and still feel this way. I am so grateful that quitting a toxic job and giving up alcohol in 2020 led me to discover something I could have not even imagined for myself. Yes, I’ve always been a big dreamer but I didn’t think everything would unfold the way it did the past few years.
While I learned so many beautiful lessons the past few years, it has not been easy. I struggled so much with my OCD/anxiety which was the biggest reason I felt so stuck and confused. I even wrote a blog post called “Not Thriving In My 30s,” on my 32nd birthday sharing how I didn’t feel like I was “thriving” as most women might feel during this time.
Do I feel like I am thriving now at 33?
Not necessarily.
But, I do feel like I am in a different place.
Today, I have new perspectives to help me navigate my journey.
Today, I have new tools that help me navigate and deal with my anxiety.
In some ways, I feel like I am in a better place compared to the past few years. This is not to say that what happened in the past was “bad.” Because I do feel that there were so many valuable lessons I learned through all the challenges I experienced.
I am grateful to be where I am at currently with all the new perspectives and tools to help me discover a new path for myself.
4 Years Sober
There is a small part of me getting emotional about making it to 4 years sober. It’s like a little tingly feeling in my chest.
4 years sober.
Yes girl! I did it and am doing the thang!
Tearing up right now.
The version of myself in my 20s would be so proud of me right now!
The version of myself in my 20s wanted to give up alcohol for one year only and little did she know she would fall in love with sobriety.
I don’t think much about my sobriety but man it feels good to write about it.
Writing about sobriety at this moment reminds me of how good it is.
Yes, it has been hard.
The not drinking part has not been hard but what has come up as a result of not drinking anymore has been difficult.
Alcohol was definitely suppressing so much shit I didn’t even know was there.
The same way becoming sober has revealed the shit that was there, it has also revealed so many beautiful things.
Giving up alcohol has been by far one of the best decisions I made.
I am grateful for the inner voice that was calling out for sobriety.
Because I listened to that inner voice, I have discovered so much.
Because I listened to that inner voice, I have learned and unlearned so much.
Because I listened to that inner voice, I am slowly becoming the woman my younger version dreamed about.
I am grateful for the inner voice that called out for sobriety because of it, I am where I am and I am who I am today.