The years 2021 and 2022 felt like it was one year for me. This is because since 2021, I’ve been questioning my purpose, career, identity, and so much more in my life. The questioning of these things carried over into 2022.
The past couple of years have been filled with:
Confusion
Overwhelm
Frustration
Disappointment
Overthinking
Anxiety
Doubt
Uncertainty
Deep self-reflection
New profound discoveries
The journey was certainly messy and beautiful at the same time.
What was at the core of all of this was the idea of walking away from the school counseling career I had chosen. There were a couple of reasons I thought about walking away. One because I had discovered my creativity with writing, blogging, creating content, etc., which led me to dream bigger than ever before. Secondly, in the few school counseling positions I held I kept coming across challenges that made me think maybe school counseling isn’t for me.
While the idea of walking away from my career was on my mind, I also found myself really trying to hold onto school counseling and the identity I had built around it. I was holding on because it’s the job I always wanted since I was a teenager and have always felt I was meant to be a school counselor. Secondly, I didn’t think I gained enough experience for me to make a decision on whether or not school counseling was for me.
It was really hard for me as I found myself wanting to go after something different but still wanting to remain in my school counseling career even if it meant working on something new on the side. But, what I kept coming across in the school counseling jobs I had were different challenges such as:
-Toxic work environments which affected my mental health
-Having to do academic, admin, college/career work which I hated
-Being assigned non-counselor duties
-Not having my own office to meet with students for counseling
-Teaching classes which I extremely disliked
Overall, there was a huge disconnection between what I learned in graduate school and what was expected on the job. At this point, I was so disappointed and frustrated with the lack of understanding the role of school counselors had.
As I reflected on everything I was encountering, I kept thinking to myself maybe it’s not meant to work out. Maybe I was meant to experience these challenges within school counseling so that I could discover something more aligned with who I am and my passions/interests. But, there was the other side of me that doubted all of this. I thought maybe I just needed to find a role and school that was a better fit. I also doubted the dreams and ideas I was having. I questioned everything. I questioned my identity, ego, and beliefs. I found myself not feeling as passionate about school counseling as I used to be. I couldn’t believe the changes I was going through. I couldn’t believe that I may have wanted something different for myself. It was hard for me to let go of the school counselor identity I created for myself and to allow myself to really learn who I was outside of my career. I can go on and on about how overwhelming this journey was. It surely was such a confusing time that brought up so much anxiety and tears.
Through all of this I learned so much. I learned about how normal it is for us to experience change and shifts in our journey. I also learned that confusion is actually a good thing because it means we are questioning and this can lead us to discover what is truly aligned with us. Additionally, I discovered that what I was experiencing was being in a liminal space. I was in between what was and what is to come (I still don’t know 100% what is next). The in between is a time of confusion and being in the unknown. I learned so much but one final thing I will share is how important it is to use this time of confusion, uncertainty, and the unknown as an opportunity to explore, be curious, and create something new for yourself.
With all of that being said, after almost 2 years, it is now that I feel a bit more at ease, free, and open to allow myself to try something new. I am allowing myself to write, blog, dance, and create more. I am working with a life coach. I signed up for online courses to teach me different things about business and blogging. I have plans to bring some ideas to life this year in 2023 which I am excited to share. While at times I still feel unsure/uncertain and think I should remain a school counselor, I find myself feeling more accepting that I want something different for myself. I went from holding on to my school counseling career/identity to letting it go so I can continue to explore my dreams, goals, desires, and ideas (I am still experiencing this shift slowly).
I ended 2022 with finally embracing change after resisting and not wanting to let go. As I look back I can see why I had to go through what I went through. I am so grateful to be in this place on my journey after everything I’ve experienced. Part of me wants to hold onto this feeling forever because I know it won’t always be pleasant but for now I am going to embrace and enjoy it.
To end off this blog post, I would like to share a mantra I created during a New Year Intention workshop with Maria Brito which was SO powerful and amazing:
I am a confident, sensual, expressive soul who is free to explore my dreams, goals, desires, and ideas.
When I came up with this and read it a few times, it felt perfect for me for many reasons. I chose the words confident, sensual, and expressive because I am on a dancing journey and these are some of the things I want to embody. I also chose expressive because I enjoy expressing myself through writing. I chose the word free because as mentioned before I felt so overwhelmed, confused, and stuck but now I feel more freedom to explore what my heart desires.
Thank you for reading <3
If you got up till this point, can you relate? Have you gone through something similar on your journey? Is there anything you learned from this post?
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