Life challenges are a part of life and inevitable. Having gone through some life challenges, acceptance has been one of the key factors that has helped me. In this blog post, I will be sharing how acceptance can help with life challenges.
Challenges That Taught Me About Acceptance
Being In The Hospital
In my early 20s, I was in the hospital for a little over a month due to a procedure that went wrong. I had to undergo major surgeries that left me with a big capital “T” scar on my stomach.
When I got out, I would look at my scars and think, “how am I ever going to deal with this?” For a woman, having a large noticeable scar can bring about more insecurities. This was part of the reason I was having a hard time thinking about my scar.
I cried a lot until one day I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Enough! You must accept that this happened to you. Beauty is skin deep. You will use your story to help other women & teenage girls to love their bodies as they are”
Today, I am grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to have modeled on a runway showing my scar to promote self-love and body positivity. Additionally, I have shared my story of being in the hospital and pictures of my scars online. While I’ve come to terms with what happened, I still cry at times when I think of what I went through.
After a while, I began to realize that accepting what has happened helped me in some ways overcome this challenge.
Struggling With My Mental Health
Another challenge I went through where the topic of acceptance came up again was when I experienced an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) flare up last year. A year ago I was struggling mentally to the point that depression crept in. I felt like I was in a low place. My mind went to dark places like not being here anymore. I felt like I was losing meaning. I found it so hard to find the strength I thought I once had. Internally, I was spiraling and feeling like this was the end of my journey. I felt that I couldn’t pursue my dreams/goals because of the thoughts and feelings I was having. I felt like I was losing a sense of who I was again as this is something I experienced in my first OCD episode.
Due to the fact that I was having a really hard time, I decided to reach out to my life coach/mentor, Brenda Ramos. In my conversation with her, I kept talking about how much I wanted to just overcome this. However, she posed a different perspective and said something in the lines of “maybe it’s not about overcoming but accepting what is happening to you.” Brenda also posed the question, “can you accept that having OCD is something you might have to live with?”
Some challenges are probably not meant for us to overcome but to accept.
-Anina Alvarez
(A quote I wrote inspired by the conversation I had with Brenda.)
As hard as it was to hear that, there was so much truth in what Brenda shared and posed. I’ve been so used to overcoming challenges and moving on. But this particular challenge with my mental health was something I think I needed to come to terms with. In other words, I had to accept that because I have this disorder, my brain will obsess/over think. Additionally, I will need to learn how to deal and manage it.
It was during this time where my understanding of acceptance as it relates to life challenges began to deepen.
What Gets In The Way Of Accepting Our Life Challenges
When we experience some form of obstacle, our initial reaction is to resist or simply wish it wasn’t happening. The problem with resisting, denying, or rejecting the challenge is that it adds another layer of tension within us. The challenge in itself is already hard but by us resisting, denying, or rejecting it makes it harder to deal with. Resisting life challenges is like fighting with something we don’t have control over.
The resistance, denial, or rejection is one of the things that can get in the way of us accepting our challenges. For instance, in the personal examples I shared, it wasn’t until I realized that maybe some challenges are not meant to be overcomed but to be accepted that I began to come to terms with the fact that I have OCD. Which means my brain functions differently and has patterns that will cause me to feel anxious, spiral, and overthink.
Coming to terms with having OCD and understanding what that meant did not mean it took away the uncomfortable feelings that came with these experiences. But, I was able to approach my challenges in a different way. With this perspective, overtime it felt like something within me was settling. And, the unneeded tension was lessening as I began to accept my OCD rather than fighting or trying to overcome it.
While it is easier said than done, it could be helpful to take a step back and see the challenging situation for what it is without resisting or fighting it.
How Acceptance Can Help With Life Challenges
As mentioned before, the problem with resisting a life challenge is that it adds another layer of tension within us. The challenge itself automatically gives us uncomfortable thoughts and feelings but when we don’t accept what is happening, we add an additional layer of discomfort.
Here is where acceptance can help. Accepting the challenge, obstacle, or the hard thing life has presented you with can help you actually deal with the reality of your situation and how you feel about it. The time and energy you spend on trying to resist or wanting things to be different can be used on finding the tools that can help you get through.
If you are struggling with accepting a life challenge, here some questions for reflection or journaling that may help:
What do I need? Are my basic needs being met right now? If not, how can I go about fulfilling these needs? Who can support me with this?
How can I allow myself to feel and process all of the thoughts and feelings this challenge has presented me with?
Do I need to speak with a trusted person or professional such as a therapist?
What is the definition of acceptance? What does acceptance mean to me? How can my own definition and understanding of acceptance help me with this difficult challenge?
What other areas of my life have I had a hard time accepting difficult things?
If I were to take one step toward accepting this life challenge, how could things be different for me?
How can I adapt or be flexible in my way of being now that things are different due to this challenge?
Learning about how acceptance can help with life challenges has taught me that I don’t need to overcome or win at every challenge life throws my way. It has taught me that I don’t need to fight with myself or any hard thing coming my way. I can allow myself to be with myself and the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings I am experiencing. Acceptance has taught me about learning to co-exist with the discomfort and continuing to live my life.
It’s never perfect as it sounds. This is always a work in progress.
Thank you for reading <3
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