I am deciding to do a monthly reflection blog post as a way to process, self-express, and to document my journey. It’s an idea that has popped in my head. And, this year I would like to focus on bringing to life the ideas I have instead of letting them dwell inside of my mind.
I am not sure what will come out of this but I know writing has been super helpful in helping me understand myself and solidify my own thoughts and beliefs. But who knows if these monthly reflections will be helpful or not. Either way, I know writing a monthly reflection blog post will push me to write more which is automatically a win for me!
I am not sure how I will structure these monthly reflection blog posts but for now I will add a theme, a message, or words in the title that come up for me when I reflect back on the month.
Before I get into my reflection for the month, I am not sure how these posts will serve you or anyone reading this but honestly, I am doing this for me. As I mentioned in the beginning, I am doing it as a way to reflect, process, self-express, and document my journey. And, if anything I share benefits you or anyone reading this, great! There most likely will be life lessons or things I am learning that I share in these posts that can help others. However, I think a lot of it will be me sharing what is coming up for me, challenges I am having, things I am working on or doing, and all the in betweens.
With all of that being said, I’m still here. The “I’m still here” are the words that came up when I began to reflect back on this month of January.
I think what “I’m still here” means to me is that I am here…not really feeling like I have moved forward in any way. I feel like I am still in the same place in my life.
I think the feeling of being in the same place comes from what I’ve been experiencing with my career and lacking passion, spark, and aliveness in my life.
I am not sure if I want to get into all the specifics of why I am feeling these things but if you have been following my journey or know me personally then you have an idea.
While all of this is true to what I feel internally, I am working on taking small steps to create change in my life.
One of the changes I’ve made is remaining consistent with stretching and strengthening with the exception of this week since I was in the middle of finding a new physical therapist.
Interestingly enough, I was going to wait till February to see if I made progress with my hips and legs with the resources I had of following a physical therapy online plan. And if not, I was going to find a physical therapist. But, I decided to work with a new physical therapist toward the end of this month. I made this decision because I truly felt I needed 1:1 guidance and support which is something I was not getting with my first physical therapist back in November/December. Even though I was feeling better trying to figure it out on my own, I was still experiencing symptoms. So now I am glad I found a place that is giving me a sense of direction, guidance, and plan on how to heal my hips and legs.
I can recognize that even though I feel like “I’m still here not really feeling like I have moved forward in any way” that I am making some kind of progress with healing my hips and legs. It is my hope that I continue to experience progress with my body.
So yeah, I’m still here.
I’m still here not feeling like I’ve been having any forward momentum.
I’m still processing what I want and need to do in terms of my career.
I’m still healing my hips and legs.
I’m still thinking about ways to find the passion and spark I once had.
I’m still writing here and there when I get a chance or when ideas pop up.
I’m still dancing here and there in my house.
I’m still here not really knowing where I am headed and yet remembering as I write this that it’s okay to not know.
And while I may not know, I am planning on taking steps this year in different parts of my life to experience a change within me. I believe it’s going to happen. Even though there is a little self-doubt, will I really do it? But, I hope that by writing it and putting it out there, it will become more ingrained in me and I can actually do the things I have in mind.
Side note: As I write about this idea of having “forward momentum,” it makes me think if it is necessary in life to feel like you are moving toward something and why can’t we be okay with being still or content with what we have? But that’s for another conversation.
Other January Themes & Messages That Came Up
We usually want to find a way out when experiencing something difficult without allowing ourselves to be in the experience. Can I allow myself to be with this challenge I am in and at the same time have hope and accept the uncertainty of how things will go?
I wrote this quote when I was having a hard time accepting the physical discomfort I was in and just wanting to fix it. Going through this physical challenge has made me more aware of how much I want to fix something that is wrong or off whether that be physically or mentally/emotionally.
I think most of us do this. When we are experiencing something difficult we want to run away or fix it. But is there a way to allow ourselves to experience what is coming up for us when we are in a challenge? While at the same time having hope and accepting uncertainty?
I am still learning how to do all of this. I have not mastered it and I don’t know if I ever will. But, I think it’s helpful to reflect on things like the quote I shared.
Another message that came up for me this month is that we tend to romanticize self-care.
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I did not want to do my stretching and exercising. Also, I found myself wanting to rush through it many times.
Which brings me to the idea that we tend to romanticize self-care and personal growth in general. I think this happens because of how self-care and personal growth is portrayed on social media. People post images and reels about themselves doing their thing with an inspirational song in the background and it makes it look great and motivating. However, the reality is that a lot of the time, it may be boring or we may not want to do it and sometimes we are not fully consistent because we are humans and not robots. Well, for me, this has been the case.
I think a lot of people believe that when we take care of ourselves that it’s always going to feel beautiful, inspiring, and uplifting. While it’s true that it will feel that way at times, there will be other times where we will dread doing the things we need to do for our self-care or personal growth. And, this doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or me, it’s just a normal human feeling.
So yes, I don’t think there is anything wrong with us romanticizing self-care or personal growth because in doing so it can lead us to actually do what we need for ourselves. On the other hand, we need to remember that it will not always be rainbows and butterflies.
Helpful Things I Came Across:
How To Improve Our Relationship with Pain? – Vinny Crispino | Pain Academy (Discover More Podcast)
That’s it for January! Let’s see what February has in store for me!
Did you enjoy this post? Click here to subscribe so you’ll be the first to know when I publish a new post via email!