Loving The Parts Of Yourself You Don’t Like

Loving the parts of yourself you don’t like is not easy.

I used to hate my overthinking.

I didn’t like that I took things personally. 

I didn’t like that I sought validation in external things.

I was constantly fighting these parts of myself. I didn’t like that I struggled with these things. 

I didn’t like these parts of myself. 

Today, I can say that I am more loving and accepting of the parts of myself I didn’t like.

Before I get to how I started to love myself more, let me share a bit of my experience with these parts of myself I didn’t like. 

The Reason I Didn’t Like These Parts Of Myself

First, I have a long history of overthinking everything. I know my overthinking is a symptom of anxiety which is something I’ve struggled with all of my life. I also know that my struggle with anxiety stems primarily from the trauma I experienced as a child and teenager. My overthinking has led me to cry out of overwhelm. It has led me to judge myself. For example, I would think to myself, “why am I overthinking this? I’m too sensitive or crazy.” I also used to wish that I never experienced my trauma because I felt that it was the reason why I struggled with overthinking. I believed that if I had not experienced my trauma that I would not have a overthinking problem. 

Secondly, I was the queen of taking shit personally. If I said good morning to someone at work and they didn’t say it back…I took that personally. If someone spoke to me in a condescending way, I would resent them. And, guess what? I would overthink these situations! In the back of my mind, I always knew that when people treat you a certain way that it’s a reflection of who they are and never about you. But, it’s hard when you are at the receiving end of someone treating you in some kind of way. I didn’t like that I took things personally and I judged myself for struggling with this. I used to think I am too sensitive or that it was childish of me to take shit personally. 

Now, moving onto how I struggled with seeking validation in external things. I’ve seen this come up in my life in several ways but I’ll only share one that has made me aware of this problem the most. I became mostly aware of my need for validation when I first started blogging and creating social media content back in 2020. In sharing my journey online, I found myself looking for likes, comments, and support from others. In other words, I started to focus on the metrics of social media. I didn’t like that I was focusing on the wrong things.

I started to feel like something was wrong with me. These thoughts and feelings brought up a lot of anxiety. I noticed an increase in irritability because of social media and I hated that I was allowing myself to get consumed by it. I didn’t like that I was seeking validation in social media. 

How I Learned To Love The Parts of Myself I Didn’t Like

After many years of reflection, growth, and healing, I am learning how to love these parts of myself I didn’t like and embrace them a bit more. 

Today, I can say that I am a bit more self-aware and I catch myself when I am overthinking. Instead of judging myself for overthinking, I just simply acknowledge the thinking pattern and take a breath. There is no fighting with my thoughts. I accept them for what they are and keep it moving. 

I’ve come to realize that I am a sensitive person AND I am okay with that! I realized that it hurts and bothers me when people speak negatively to me. Why? Because their negative energy is being transferred to me and since I am sensitive, I feel these energies deeply. I’ve learned that not taking things personally doesn’t mean to invalidate your experience if someone is not treating you right. Today, when someone is speaking to me in a negative manner, I start observing them and remember they are probably going through something. Yes, I start to feel uncomfortable and then I take a moment to process what I am experiencing and validate my own feelings. 

I’ve learned that it is okay and normal to seek validation. We all want to be seen, valued, and supported. But we must learn to validate ourselves first. The way I started to validate myself was by validating my need for validation. I don’t know if that makes sense but let me try to explain. So instead of thinking that something was wrong with me just because I was seeking validation on social media, I started to simply acknowledge my need without judgement. Instead of fighting or repressing my need for validation, I started to accept it. I began to say and ask myself the following:

I no longer want to resist my need to be seen, create, or show up online and offline. 

How can I embrace this need without it being the main source that fuels me?

How can I fuel myself first? 

How can I allow external sources to fuel me as well?

How can I find a balance between the two?

How can I no longer repress the areas I judge myself for? 

In my journey, I am getting up to a point where I no longer want to fight with myself anymore. I no longer want to judge myself for my thoughts, needs, and feelings. Although I am still working through these things, how I view these parts of myself are slowly changing. Instead of thinking I am crazy for overthinking, I just acknowledge my thinking pattern. Instead of thinking I am childish for taking shit personally, I acknowledge being affected by someone’s negative energy and validate my experience. I embrace my sensitivity and own it! Instead of thinking something is wrong with me because I seek validation on social media, I create and share anyway because I want to and focus on those who are supporting and connecting with me. I am by no means perfect at doing all of this but when I catch myself falling I simply acknowledge and accept it all without judgement.

The Formula On How To Love The Parts Of Yourself You Don’t Like

When we acknowledge and accept the parts of ourselves that we don’t like without judgment…it is then when we begin to truly love ourselves a bit more. 

So let me leave you with a little formula that I just came up with as I was writing this post.

The Formula On How To Love The Parts Of Yourself You Don’t Like:

Acknowledge (the thing you don’t like) + Accept it — Self-Judgment = More Self-Love 

If you feel comfortable sharing, what are some things you don’t like about yourself? How are you working toward loving yourself a bit more in these areas? Comment down below or on social media or you can send me a message! 

I truly hope this was helpful to you in some way! Thank you so much for reading! 

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