I am not sure what comes to mind for October, but I just looked through my Passion Planner’s monthly reflection, and I wrote how I feel better about work.
Things have gotten better at work, being that certain things were taken off from my role. Because of this, I think my feelings toward my job don’t feel as intense as they used to.
Yet, I know I am not totally happy nor thrilled about my job.
But I still have thoughts such as, “Why am I not changing? What’s underneath it all? What’s really holding me back? I could do things differently.”
It’s very clear and obvious that one of the challenges I am navigating in my life currently is my career.
I’ve hesitated to share openly online about my job due to fear of my co-workers finding out.
But I recently started to talk more about it on my social media and now on my blog. It may be a risk, but I want to share and express myself about what’s going on in my life right now.
The reality of my life is that I am not happy nor thrilled about working as a school counselor, but I still haven’t worked up to doing something about it. I tried, but nothing came out of it, and I stopped.
So today, I am here—still in the same place but trying to focus on other aspects of my life.
Great Things That Happened
I released my guide! While this was something I started in the summer and expected to release in September, it felt more right to put it out in October.
I can officially say that I created a guide of some sort!
Even though at one point I questioned if I wanted to continue to release it, I did it to honor the desire and idea I had for it back in the summer.
I’ve gotten emotional at times working on it, simply because I think I was creating something—like experiencing creativity.
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Another great thing that happened was my mom/best friend turning 70! I went to visit her with a friend. We went to a Colombian restaurant to celebrate her birthday! I am so blessed and lucky that I have a mom like mine!
Finally, I finished four private lessons with a new dance teacher. I learned a heels choreography to “Folded” by Kehlani (obsessed with that song).
Here is the reflection that came up for me when I finished my last private session:
Something I am aware of is that I could practice more, but I don’t for different reasons.
And the last thing I want to do is shame myself for not practicing as much as I could or make it sound like I’m making excuses.
But I’m also honest with myself, and I feel like I can do more, and that is what I’m trying to figure out these days.
It’s often so hard for me to do what I would like to during my free time, which feels limited when you have a full-time job in education that is so draining.
But here I am, still showing up for dance in small ways—which has always been a dream of mine, to become a dancer. And sometimes that dream feels distant in my mind and heart (getting emotional writing that).
So yeah…
I’m not practicing as much as I could,
but I am still showing up.
Four private sessions later,
some practicing in between,
taking the time to celebrate the small growth and progress.
Click here if you wish to see the choreography I learned.
That’s it for the month of October! Let’s see what November has in store for me!
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