In the beginning of December, I was struggling with my mental health. I was overthinking. I cried and broke down because I was thinking the worst of me due to the thoughts I was having. I think my OCD was kicking in a bit. I was feeling so fucked up inside. Sometimes I still feel unworthy of following my dreams because of the thoughts I have. While I won’t share in detail what I was experiencing, I will share some of the thoughts that come up for me when I am going down a spiral and judging myself:
Y’all I was truly feeling like I needed help so I literally searched on YouTube “how to stop judging yourself.” Thankfully, I found some videos that offered great insight. While in the past I’ve learned about loving the parts of myself I don’t like (click here to read), I think through this recent experience and through these videos I was gaining a deeper understanding on how to let go of self-judgment. The videos were so helpful that I wrote some of my biggest takeaways down and now I would like to share them with you along with my own reflections. I will be sharing these videos down below in case you want to check them out.
Using Mindfulness To Let Go Of Self-Judgment
In this video How To Let Go of Self-Judgement With Mindfulness, Matt Tenney explains how to use mindfulness to let go of self-judgment. He explains that our brains’ job is to think, categorize, label, name, and judge, etc. It could be helpful to just call out these types of thinking and simply observe them. Matt then explains how often the advice we hear from others is to “let it go” when we find ourselves overthinking or holding onto something. Instead of “letting it go,” Matt encourages us to “let it be there.” In other words instead of trying to resist or fight off whatever it is, just let it be. Let it exist.
Although I have learned of these tips before, I just love the different perspectives he offers. As someone who tends to overthink and add so much meaning to my thoughts, I can learn how to just let the thoughts that bother me so much just be there without attaching myself or any meaning to them. So for me when I catch my mind having judgemental thoughts of myself or thoughts I do not like I can allow those thoughts to exist without allowing it to define me.
Working With Self-Judgment by Sharing Our Struggles, Being Kind To Ourselves, & Prayer
I love the gentle approach Tara Brach shares in this video on How To Work with Chronic Self Judgment. The first thing she encourages is for us to talk to one another about our struggles because it is then when we recognize we are not alone and we have a lot in common than we think. I really love that she says this because everytime I share my struggles with someone or even here on my blog, I always get a response that someone can relate to what I am experiencing. Let me tell you how much of a difference it makes when you realize you are not alone.
In the second part, Tara explains how bringing self-judgment to our awareness is actually an opportunity for us to take a different approach. She suggests that when we catch the self-judgment to ask ourselves, “What would it mean or look like if I were to be kinder to myself right now?” I don’t know about you but this simple question really feels like a shift in my perspective. How would I feel if I were to choose to be kinder to myself? Just the thought of it feels like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders. Tara explains that it takes commitment to choose compassion when we are experiencing self-judgment.
In the last part of this video, she shares that in meditation she does a prayer where she says, “Please be kind or teach me about kindness.” Tara says she does that to keep herself open to learning more about being kind to herself. When I saw this I cried because prayer is often something I turn to when I feel really low and I truly feel like I could bring this into my prayer to help me be kinder to myself. I do believe that God/The Universe is always providing help, support, and guidance.
Allowing Yourself To Be Imperfect & Give Yourself What You Need
In this video How To Stop Judging Yourself, Veronica Krestow poses a beautiful question, “What if you allowed yourself to be perfectly imperfect and love the parts of you that are hungry to be received and accepted by you?” She uses an analogy of looking at the parts we don’t like of ourselves as orphan children that truly need love.
If you really think about it, the more we judge ourselves the more we reject who we are. So instead of rejecting ourselves, we can choose to give attention to those parts and provide what it needs from us whether that be love, to be seen, validation, care, a safe home, etc.
Is 100% Self-Acceptance Possible?
In this last video How Do You Eradicate Shame & Self-Judgement by Brian Johnson is probably one of my favorites in which he talks about how it’s impossible to reach 100% self-acceptance. This makes sense to me because I have learned that healing is an ongoing journey and that one day we don’t wake up with all of our inner issues resolved as a result of the work we have done. This journey is filled with many ups and downs that we have to learn how to embrace.
In the video Brian says, “The underlying essence of me is divine, good, pure and there may be things there and that will always be there but I am not going to let that run the show.” I love this statement because it reminds me of the power we have in choosing what will control and/or lead us. Will I allow my self-judgment to lead the show or will I choose and allow self-compassion to lead the show?
Final Reflections
I remember when I was watching these videos I was crying because I just came to this realization that the biggest thing I am learning is not just accepting my imperfections, flaws, or parts of myself I don’t like but accepting that they will always be there. There is a big difference there.
Accepting my imperfections, flaws, or parts of myself I don’t like.
vs.
Accepting that my imperfections, flaws, or parts of myself I don’t like will always be there.
For me when I see it this way I can feel myself laying back and just resting in the idea that since these parts of myself I judge so much will always be there…
I no longer have to fight.
These parts of myself can simply just be there.
I can observe them.
I can love them.
I can give them what they need.
I can choose to be kind to myself.
And most importantly, I can believe that I am still worthy of making my dreams come true.
As I am finishing this blog post, I just had an idea of using the following statement I wrote as an affirmation when I am experiencing self-judgment and maybe you can use it too if it resonates…
“I am worthy of making my dreams come true regardless of the challenges I experience with my mental health.” – Anina Alvarez
Do you experience self-judgment? How do you deal or cope with your thoughts of self-judgment? What have you learned from learning how to be kinder to yourself?
Thank you for reading <3
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