Earlier this month, I decided to delete social media. This is something that has been on my mind for some time. In this blog post I will share why I deleted social media.
Seeking Validation
When I first started to blog and share my journey publicly online back in 2020, I was enjoying the process of creating, expressing myself, and receiving all the likes, comments, and messages. In some ways, you can say I was on a “high” with all the engagement I was getting.
But half way through I realized how it affected me when some posts wouldn’t get much engagement or if certain people were not liking my stuff. It bothered me so much to the point that I would overthink it a lot. This was a trigger for my anxiety and I would often become irritable.
I am not sure how I got past this but I think that since it’s been a few years of sharing my journey on social media, I’ve learned to grow through it and let it go quicker. However, I will admit it was still hitting a bit of a nerve when engagement was super low.
Because of this, I was very well aware that I needed to find healthy ways to validate myself and not allow social media to be the main source of validation.
Spending Too Much Time
On average, I would spend 2 hours a day on social media and on the weekends it would be more.
Everytime I would look at how much time I spent on social media, I would just tell myself, “why can’t I spend that much time on something else more productive or meaningful.”
I didn’t feel great about the time I was spending on social media.
Prevented Me From Being In The Present Moment
We can all agree that social media takes away from us being present in our lives. For me this showed up in a few ways.
While I think it’s great to express yourself online, there was a point where I realized how sad I felt because I didn’t feel connected to dance the way I used to be and I knew it was partially because of my relationship with social media. I found myself dancing and just thinking of recording myself or how it would look on video. When I would record myself dancing at home or in a studio, I would usually be quick to post it online. Then when it didn’t get much engagement, I would feel upset. I started to realize too that even though I had fun dancing and recording myself, social media would just ruin it because of the low engagement (which clearly was my need for validation that led me to feel upset). It was clear that social media was preventing me from being present in my dance experience.
Social media also didn’t allow me to be fully present with my loved ones. For example, when my mom comes over, she and I usually go and hangout somewhere but at home on the couch, she and I would end up on our phones which I am sure wasn’t a big deal but in my mind I was aware I could be more present with my mom without social media.
There are so many other ways social media prevented me from being present but I will share this final experience of how not being on social media has allowed me to be more present. There have been many occasions when I would go to the park without my phone and I would feel so in touch with nature and everything around me. If I was with my dog, I felt more connected with her and would enjoy watching her enjoy being outside on the grass. I felt more at peace and in tune with what was around me. When I had these moments, I would be reminded of why it’s important to take time away from social media or our phones in general.
Too Many Voices Telling You How To Live Your Life
It is very clear that I am into personal growth and learning about different ways to improve myself and my life. Due to this, I followed a lot of entrepreneurs, coaches, and influencers that spoke about self-help. But, somewhere along the line I started to become a bit frustrated and tired with everything I was consuming.
I remember reading something on social media ironically about exactly this experience I was having. The quote said something in the lines of “If you are becoming frustrated with everything you are reading online, maybe it’s time to listen to your own inner voice and figure out how you want to live your life.” This quote resonated with me because I began to question what is it that I really want? How do I want to pursue my own dreams, passion, and/or purpose?
On social media, there are so many people telling others how to live their life and the approach they should take in order to reach their goals. While some of these messages and teachings are being shared with good intention, it started to feel like it was clouding my inner voice. It felt like it became too noisy and I couldn’t really hear what I truly wanted for myself and how I may want to approach my own path.
While I am still uncertain about things in my life, I hope that my time away from social media can allow me to gain clarity about who I am, the things I want for myself, and how I want to approach my goals in life.
Affected My Mental Health
Overall, social media was definitely a reason why I would struggle mentally. As I mentioned before, social media led me to overthink a lot and become irritable. Also, I started to have intense feelings of annoyance because of the things I experienced from social media. As someone with OCD/anxiety, these thoughts and feelings that came from social media lingered for a while and I did not like it.
Now that it’s been a month since I’ve deleted all my social media accounts, I can say I feel significantly better but that doesn’t mean I am not experiencing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. In some ways, it feels like a bit of weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Acknowledging The Role I Played
I can’t end off this blog post without acknowledging the role I played in my relationship with social media.
I am aware that my need for validation comes from the things I experienced as a child which has resulted in me looking for validation in the wrong places such as social media.
I am aware that I could have set better boundaries with social media to limit the time I spent on there but this was hard for me. Since social media could be addictive and I struggled with drinking in the past, it made it difficult for me to honor the boundaries I wanted to have with social media.
I am aware that I could have taken more control and intentionally changed my relationship with social media but it was just becoming a barrier for me. A barrier that I did not want to focus on because I want to focus on what really matters in this part of my journey.
What really matters right now is learning to validate and celebrate myself.
What really matters right now is that I begin to dedicate more time to the things I love and enjoy such as dancing, writing, and taking care of myself.
What really matters is being connected to myself and present in the moment as best as I can be.
What really matters is gaining clarity about who I am, my beliefs, opinions, values, the things I want for myself, and how I want to approach my journey.
What’s Next?
The same way I gave up alcohol for one year and then decided to continue my sobriety after the year was up, I wouldn’t be surprised if I never return to social media (LOL!). I haven’t made a decision for when I will return to social media but I know this is going to be a long term thing. It has to be because there is so much for me to work on! Again, I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t return but there is a part of me that thinks I will most likely come back to social media just not anytime soon.
I am aware that just because I am taking this time away from social media, it doesn’t mean that when I return I may not experience what I previously had. I may or may not. But, I hope that during this time away I can find and tap into the things I’ve been looking for and in some ways yearning for. I hope that maybe I can build a stronger and more solid foundation within myself and who knows maybe this can help me navigate social media better in the future.
So as far as what is next?
I plan on continuing to take dance classes.
I plan on writing more.
I plan on releasing blog posts even if no one reads them because let me tell you it feels good to click publish when I release something new on my blog.
I plan on dedicating more time to things that matter.
I plan on getting to know myself more and hopefully gaining clarity.
Thank you for reading <3
How would you describe your relationship to social media? How has social media positively or negatively affected you? Feel to respond in the comments below!
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